My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
