Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
