Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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