ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
