mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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