What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
