Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
