I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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