We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
