your parents love me but you hate me
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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