I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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