Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
