My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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