I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
