Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
