He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
