i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
