That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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