So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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