you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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