Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
