im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
