I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
