last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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