I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
