you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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