I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
