im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
