Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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