Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
