You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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