I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Are we still banned from the library?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
