grandma shit on top of the toilet
Please, let me fuck your mom
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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