You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
