READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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