please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
