i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
