Define "chronic" masturbator.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
