Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
