i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He has the fingertips of a God
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