Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
