just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
