dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We left the knife in your bed.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
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