someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
false alarm. still invincible.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
