He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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