Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
either way he was missing a nipple.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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