So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
