did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
