just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
