we have officially lost it.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
porn star boner night. come get it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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