Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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