hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
COCAINE IS GR8
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
