please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
