Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
That was before I lit my hair on fire
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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