I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
