We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
