So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
